I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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