I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
