Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we should paint friendship bongs
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