I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
