Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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