i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
