I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
