i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
