Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
