Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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