How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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