I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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