okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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