I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i want to swaddle you in tequila
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
