When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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