That reminds me...we need to get swords
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
