That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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