i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
