so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
