Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
