I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
