why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
