This girl is more easily done than said...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
