i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Randomize
