I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
