so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
