We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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