I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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