she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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