when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
