i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
