I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You pole danced in your parka.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
