I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
