Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
