This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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