Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And then he peed in my hair
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