oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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