there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
