How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
