We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
