I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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