Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
