Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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