conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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