but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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