Do you still have your period?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
