Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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