ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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