You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize