The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
