Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
