you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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