I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
