So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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