The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm passing your future prison.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
