Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
