3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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