Can Purell be used as lube?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
