Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
