My first STD was from a foam party
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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