A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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