WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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