Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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