i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
