paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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