her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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