just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
