Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Life is so much better after having sex.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
