How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
