Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
