Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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