woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
