ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
