Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
