Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
