So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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