dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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