I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
