wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
